Whats the glycemic index on semen?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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