Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
two words: eviction party
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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