I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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