my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
