what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
