im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
