I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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