I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
