I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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