her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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