he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
