I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
