i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
