you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
