Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
