i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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