and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
