You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
