My first STD was from a foam party
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he shaved USA in his pubs
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
