rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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