Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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