my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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