My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
