you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He has the fingertips of a God
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