I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
