Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
should my penis look like a turkey
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
