Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
