I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
