Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
