The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
