Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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