Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
