i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
