my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
