The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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