I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
