A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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