Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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