YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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