we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
