He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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