I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
