I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
