I accidentally had phone sex last night
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
