Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
