I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
