I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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