Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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