Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
