1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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