We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
