The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
