Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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