no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
