I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
