paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You smell like stripper and shame
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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