D3 body, D1 cock
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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