I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
