got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
