Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
