watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
