God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize